not an empire builder? that's ok.

{photo credit}

i recently read an article in glamour magazine written by actress zosia mamet. in the article she explains how our culture is particularly obsessed with "making it" and how if you "settle" for anything less you're somehow a failure. the article was written particularly for women, and i can only speak for myself, but i get it. i have been feeling that way for a while now. my day job is in admin and when i tell people this i get the general "oh" and head nod. the conversation usually ends there until i ask them what they do and they rattle on about their brain surgeon/criminal defense lawyer/organic farmer/baby teething ring inventor career. i say "oh" and give a head nod.

am i just being hyper self-conscious? or is zosia on to something? does success mean the same thing to every woman?

personally, i don't want to be the CEO of any company. i don't want to work 70+ hours a week. i don't want to be glued to my work phone or attend fundraiser dinner after fundraiser dinner. but yet i feel this unspoken (sometimes spoken) pressure to do all of those things. before breakfast. in high heels.

i have been stressing out lately about my work/career future. what does it look like? what should i be doing right now to take the next steps? i feel paralyzed by the choices and also the lack of choices it seems. is anyone else in this boat? does anyone else feel the pressure to DO DO DO? but, along the same lines, does anyone else feel content with not being the "it" girl? how do you battle those opposing thoughts?

for me, the best way i know how to combat those thoughts is to give them over to the Lord. my worries are not completely gone, but they are in much better hands than my own. if i want to Lord to lead me and guide me in my life, it doesn't make sense for me not to pray and give my insecurities and stresses over to Him. it seems the more i try to figure this particular area out on my own, the less clarity i have. since i have been more aware of that, i have felt more peace as i work in my current job and wait for the opportunities that lie ahead.

if you'd like, take a few minutes and read zosia's article. it was a really great and encouraging read, and it helped me realize that i am not the only one who struggles with this "success complex".

success doesn't necessarily come in the form of a big paycheck or shiny plaques or your name in the credits. success means working hard, yes. and success means trying and doing your best, but i think it really looks different for everyone. if you're a mom, maybe success means getting your little one down for an afternoon nap. if you are a student, perhaps success means working on that huge paper for a few solid hours before taking a break. this past weekend, success for me meant taking a big box of crap to goodwill. and i wasn't even wearing heels.

by the way, if you are a high-profile working woman who is wheeling and dealing with the best of them, i salute you. seriously. you are a rockstar. we need each and every one of you. some of the best businesses are run by women, and i am beyond inspired by all of the creative women out there who are making it happen. they work hard and i applaud them. this is more of a personal issue than it is me ranting at successful business women. not the case at all. i just get frustrated that this expectation of being all that you can be and then some seems so prevalent around me. thoughts from you, my readers? i'd love for you to weigh in!

blue collar american

{photo credit: pinterest.com}

today marks the start of my last weekend as a non-working woman. come monday, and i'll be contributing to society once again. huzzah! i'm really looking forward to having a schedule again. getting up, making coffee, and heading to the pool day after day does not count as a schedule.

but, in all honesty, the past six months have been wonderful on so many levels. it's been a time of mandatory rest. i really enjoyed my last job, but i was working a lot of overtime and feeling very stressed. in a way, the fact that the business closed down was a weird blessing. it's not how i thought my prayers were going to be answered at all. it was actually a huge shock when me and my co-workers got the news, but i have been able to look back and see how God has provided for me in every area.

i have been able to rest and recuperate, i've had more time to craft, i've spent more quality time with my Savior, i made the decision to lead my small group, i've been available to help friends out during the week, i was able to volunteer with my church, i made more trips home to see my family, etc.

of course, it hasn't been all peaches and cream. at times, i've wanted to pull my hair out/throw myself on the floor and cry/open a pint of ben and jerry's and eat it all in one sitting. and when i say i've wanted to what i mean is that's really what happened. BUT even in the midst of my pity party, i knew i was being taken care of. it's such a relief to know that i am not ultimately in charge of my future.

so, i know the big question on all of your minds is, "lacey, tell us! what will you be doing? what's your new job? where will you be working? what are the details?" woah. ok, ok, one at a time. i will be working at duke hospital as the health unit coordinator for the lung transplant floor. oooh, fancy! well, not really. health unit coordinator (huc) is basically a glorified term for secretary. my duties will include answering incoming phone calls, directing patient calls to the appropriate nurse, dancing on command, distributing faxes, organizing patient charts, perpetually smelling like flowers, coordinating transportation for patients, entering discharge orders into the computer, and always having a smile on my face. i think i can handle it. well, maybe not the smelling like flowers part. (sometimes i don't take showers.)

this weekend i've got some fun things planned before i start orientation on monday. i'm going to get a pedicure (sooo excited), lay out at the pool, have a yummy dinner with friends, attend a leadership conference at my church, hang out in southern pines with my roommate and my friends chelsea and matt, visit my favorite baristas at swank coffee shop, and go to my friend michelle's baby shower. should be a good time! what are your weekend plans?

p.s. just want to say thank you to everyone who reads this blog! i have a lot of fun putting together my posts. i like sharing my life, my interests, my stories with you. thanks for all of your funny, kind, witty, sweet, thoughtful comments, too. you guys make me want to be a more funny, kind, witty, sweet, thoughtful person. here's to you, my awesome followers!