i go back to the house for a book

{photo credit}

I turn around on the gravel

and go back to the house for a book,

something to read at the doctor's office,

and while I am inside, running the finger

of inquisition along a shelf,

another me that did not bother

to go back to the house for a book

heads out on his own,

rolls down the driveway,

and swings left toward town,

a ghost in his ghost car,

another knot in the string of time,

a good three minutes ahead of me —

a spacing that will now continue

for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I think I see him

a few people in front of me on a line

or getting up from a table

to leave the restaurant just before I do,

slipping into his coat on the way out the door.

But there is no catching him,

no way to slow him down

and put us back in synch,

unless one day he decides to go back

to the house for something,

but I cannot imagine

for the life of me what that might be.

He is out there always before me,

blazing my trail, invisible scout,

hound that pulls me along,

shade I am doomed to follow,

my perfect double,

only bumped an inch into the future,

and not nearly as well-versed as I

in the love poems of Ovid —

I who went back to the house

that fateful winter morning and got the book. 

-billy collins

i was reminded recently of how much i love this poem. 

the photo was taken by my gorgeous and talented friend, tierney. 

check out her work on her facebook page here. 

happy mother's day!

{photo credit: kelsey}

dear mum, 

words cannot correctly capture how much i love you, how much i admire you, how much i am inspired by you. you are a strong woman. you love your family and friends fiercely. you are kind and welcoming and forgiving. you are always thinking about others before yourself. 

i've seen you walk closely with the Lord when life has been bitter. i've watched you grow your roots down deep and flourish in the same spot. i've seen you heartbroken and alone and then i've seen you fall in love again and marry the the man of your dreams.  

thank you for loving me through my worst moments. i've called you crying more times than i can count, and you've always dropped what you've been doing to talk me through. i can be a real brat sometimes, but you love me regardless. 

i want to be like you when i grow up. {minus the really cute habit you have of misplacing your keys/purse/sunglasses/hat right as we're trying to leave the house.}

i love you to the moon and back. happy mother's day to the world's greatest. 

love, lacey

rock and shop

{photo credit: me}

as mentioned in my previous post, i recently volunteered at two different craft markets in durham and raleigh. i had an amazing time helping at each. the first market was the rock and shop in downtown durham. i arrived early and met some of the other volunteers who were girls my age. we chatted with coffees in hand and discussed our favorite restaurants and coffee shops in durham. (mine: guglhupf). 

{photo credit}

the artists arrived shortly after so we moved outside to help them unload their wares and find their assigned tables inside the durham armory. 

{photo credit: me}

once the market's doors opened to the public, we stationed ourselves at the entrance handing out totes and welcoming them to the rock and shop. people were dang excited about some handmade crafts and especially giddy when we handed them a canvas tote and told them it was free. it's not a pony, it's a tote. i guess when something is free, you don't really care what it is or if you'll ever really use it. i can totally relate. i may have had to calm the butterflies in my stomach when the volunteer coordinator told me to grab one for myself.

{photo credit: me}

the main auditorium was filled to the brim with all sorts of handmade! screen print towels and t-shirts, felt ornaments, graphic posters and greeting cards, soaps and lotions, jewelry, paper goods, art for your home, and the list goes on. there was also a dj on stage spinning some tunes to set the mood and a fashion show featuring local talent. 

{photo credit: me}

the morning i spent volunteering was a great way to get my foot in the door and meet some really fun, creative people. it was inspiring to see the variety of artists and their wares. who knows, maybe next year i'll be one of the featured artists? be on the lookout. i'm going big. 

you have my word

{photo credit}

i'm not the type of person to make new years resolutions. the whole concept doesn't work all that well for me. in years past, i have found myself furiously composing a (longish) list of all the things i wanted to change about myself and then come january 1st attacking the list trying to change everything at once. 

talk about an exhausting way to set yourself up for failure. i don't know about you, but i have a lot of flaws and one enthusiastic week in early january is not going to change them. however, this year i wanted to give "new years resolutions" a chance. instead of making a list, my approach was to pick one word to focus on. this would give me 365 opportunities to take chances and work towards my overarching goal.

i spent only a little time thinking about my word. "brave".

being brave is not something i do very often. i'm not a total introvert or hermit, but after taking a little inventory of my life, i found these were the current ways that i am "brave": i like to try new foods. i like to meet new people (most of the time). you want me to check out a new band you just discovered? all over that. i'm not scared to fly. i take zumba on occasion. if coerced, i will probably go see the new tyler perry movie with you. just kidding. i would never do that.

wow. you can clearly see the leaps and bounds i need to make in this area in my life. is "trying new foods" even bravery? i think it's just called being a normal person.

i realized that i needed to take bigger chances and do things that would scare me a little. as everyone and their mom has probably read on pinterest "if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try." this resounded with me as i thought about several areas of my life that i knew needed improvement but had not done much to change. what was i afraid of? hard work? trying and failing? actually being successful?

one of those areas was my creative ventures. i have been toying with the idea of applying to a craft market for a while now. i always enjoy going to these types of events as a customer. the wide array of vendors and craft products are always exciting and inspiring. i look at all of the artists selling their great wares and think i could do that! but, unfortunately, that's usually where my thought process stopped.

this time was different. almost as soon as i started seriously considering applying, i found two different craft markets that were accepting applications. i took a deep breath and started working on getting a bio together, pictures of my work, a description of what inspires me, a list of my materials, and my process in creating. i paid my application fees, submitted my applications and then waited.

several weeks after each submission, i got my responses. i had not been chosen. from either. the rejection emails were very polite and diplomatic. something along the lines of "it was a very hard decision to make...we had many qualified applicants...you have great talent...but..."

something along the lines of a breakup speech.

you know the feeling of major disappointment? the feeling of getting picked last for dodgeball? the feeling of being left off the guest list to a friend's party? this was not any of those things. this was a little sad, yes, but a lot of satisfaction. a lot of happiness.

my satisfaction came from trying. my satisfaction came from taking a chance and not being scared to do something new. it came from being brave. to me, that's how i want to live this year. taking chances, being brave, being bold in what i say and do and how i treat others. not every opportunity will work out. (clearly). but opportunities working out is not the measure of success. the measure of success is seeing something that scares you and not running away from it.

i ended up volunteering at both of the craft markets that didn't accept me as a vendor, and it was a blast! i met some great people and worked alongside other women who shared my interest in arts and crafts. i took note of how the artists set up their tables and what kind of goods they had for sale. i bought a few items from the artists and noticed how they took sales and packaged up the items. i am filing this information away for future reference when i apply again to a craft fair and get accepted. because, believe me, it's going to happen.

in a weird, backwards way i am actually glad i didn't get into either of those craft fairs. while it would have been great to set up my own booth, there is perhaps even a greater lesson i needed to learn in this. sometimes even when you try, you won't make it. you'll actually fail, but that's ok. the things in life that don't come easily are appreciated even more when they do happen.

so, can everyone raise their coffee mug and toast with me? here's to a year of being brave. cheers!

(a post and fun pictures about the craft markets soon to come!)

may mix

{photo credit}

is it spring or is it winter? i was outside yesterday morning at a volunteer event freezing my butt off. silly me. i guess i should have known to bring a parka with me, too. 

as weird as it may sound, this weather is fine with me and can stay as long as it would like. i'm dreading the humidity that defines summers in north carolina. it's now a habit of mine to check the 10 day forecast with my fingers crossed hoping that i won't see anything above 85 degrees. 

but you know what i don't mind? making a new playlist for the fabulous month of may. get at me, good tunes. 

*may mix*

this too shall pass : ok go

can you tell : ra ra riot

grammy : purity ring

always again : maigret jar

wilderness king : kith & kell

tokyo : imagine dragons

forever reign : hillsong

make it better : the knocks

from nowhere : dan croll

wonder : naughty boy

the wave : miike snow

promises : nero

one-day reckoning song (wankelmut remix) : asaf avidan

lullabies : yuna


i just checked weather.com and it looks like i'll be in a good mood for at least the next 10 days. (nothing over 83!) who knows what day 11 will hold. i'll check tomorrow with crossed fingers.

black-bottom cheesecake brownies

{photo credit}

sometimes i get the strong, sudden urge to bake and before i ask my roommate if it would be a good idea to make a large pan of chocolatey/sugary/layered/fudgy dessert (because i know she'll say no), i find myself driving to the store for butter, sugar, and cream cheese.

i'm a firm believer in asking for forgiveness than permission. 

one fine day a couple of weeks back, this gorgeous photo from lulu the baker appeared in my inbox. {how can you look at that picture and not have impure thoughts about chocolate?}

i filed the recipe away in my brain, knowing that the perfect time to bake these brownies would present itself. that time came about 30 minutes later when i was still obsessively thinking about them. 

the recipe list doesn't mention it, but you'll also need 15 friends to help you eat these brownies. and at least half of those people need to be strong, burly men who alone could eat a large meat lovers pizza without blinking an eye. 

for the brownie layer:

6 oz unsweetened chocolate
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 2/3 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
4 eggs plus 2 egg yolks
2 cups sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla

for the cheesecake layer:

2 8-oz bricks cream cheese, at room temperature
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
6 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
12-oz package semi-sweet chocolate chips

begin by preheating the oven to 325°F. lightly spray a 9x13" baking pan with cooking spray. line the pan with aluminum foil, leaving enough foil hanging out on each side to use when lifting the brownies out of the pan after they've cooled. spray foil well with nonstick cooking spray.

to make the brownie layer, combine unsweetened chocolate and butter in a microwave-safe bowl. microwave on high, stirring every 30 seconds, until chocolate and butter are melted. whisk until smooth. in a small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt. in a medium bowl, whisk eggs, sugar, and vanilla until smooth. whisk in melted chocolate mixture. add flour mixture and stir until smooth. pour batter into prepared pan.

to make the cheesecake layer, beat cream cheese, sugar, and salt with an electric mixer until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. add eggs 2 at a time, beating and scraping down the sides of the bowl after each addition. beat in vanilla. pour cheesecake batter over brownie batter. sprinkle chocolate chips evenly over the top, and bake for 1 hour 15 minutes, until golden on top. remove the cheesecake brownies from the oven and allow to cool completely before removing from pan and cutting. cut into 24 bars. refrigerate leftovers.

{photo credit: me}

my roommate and i didn't wait for the brownies to cool before we dug right in. they were ok straight from the oven but tasted way better after a night in the fridge. i guess that makes sense as they are cheesecake brownies and cheesecake is usually {read: always} served cold. 

ain't nobody got time for that. i can't help that part of my personality is to see dessert and immediately reach for a fork.

april mix

{photo credit}

spring has sprung. officially. pear blossoms are in full swing. our pool has been drained and refilled with crystal clear water. i wore shorts to the gym today instead of my winter standard: black yoga pants. 

and, aside from the fact that my legs were white enough to make casper gasp, my legs didn't look half bad. thank you, rpm class for literally kicking my butt into shape.

this is the time of year to cruise with your windows down and your tunes up before it gets stifling hot and you feel like you might fry like an egg on the sidewalk. 

here are a few jams that might just be the two tickets to paradise* you're looking for.

*april mix*

one lovely day : citizen cope

spiritus : lisa mitchell

arizona : kings of leon

love of an orchestra : noah and the whale

amsterdam : peter bjorn and john

old friend : sea wolf

ends of the earth : lord huron

over you : dose

stars (hold on) : youngblood hawk

brother : matt corby

noche nada : givers

frivolous life : yesyou

houseboat babies : reptar

cough syrup : young the giant

let's go : matt and kim

happy spring! now to pick some daffodils. 

*that song didn't actually make the cut. sorry, eddie money. it's not you. it's your awful song.